Monday, 2 October 2017

Ya Want Me To Drore Ya A Pitcher?

 Skip this bit, it's alwasy boring, go straight to the review.



DRORE – TAPE TWO: LIFE REGRETS (Rad Nauseam Records)

And, welcome back to the Home Spending Network.  As promised, we’re here to take a look at Gleem Inframatic, the best stain remover on the market.  Now, you won’t find this in the shops, not even the sort of shops that sell highly limited edition cassettes to which you should go on 22nd September.  But, just take a look at this, we’ve applied Gleem to two of the worst, most stubborn dirty stains we could find: greasy chip fat, and Life Regrets, the new EP from Drore.  See, just a quick application will evaporate the chip-pan grease like that, and on the Oxford sludge you can see it...well, it takes a little more rubbing but...OK, this is quite a thick sonic residue, but Gleem can cut through even the blackest, most abstract post-grunge...err...right, just a small hitch, folks...what?  I’m trying, Steve!  I thought it would be alright.  After all, the opener “Novelty Tattoo Sleeve” has that Melvinsy chug, I figured I could deal with it...Sure, but then “Old Egg” renders the bones of a Bleach song into a stagnant rock jelly and...My jeez, it’s growing!  Steve, I swear this got bigger, just after the part where it slowed down like a black, exhausted lung...Aargh!  “Happy Accident” is a mutated atonal molasses trudge, it’s too much – turn the cameras off!  Steve – the cameraman’s been swallowed by the hideous thick guitar on “New Skids On The Block”...no, I can’t reach the camera, I can’t move!...hearing this music, it’s like doing the macarena in a vat of molten cheese...  Wait...it’s expanding...The rage!...The distortion!... can’t...the thick post-hardcore, it’s on me...it’s...it’s...my God, it’s full of starch...

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