Inuit To Remember

The first nasty review I ever wrote! Not that I'm ever nasty, just generous, fair, or incisively correct.

ESKIMO/ONZICUBE/ET AL, The Wheatsheaf, 11/02

Proceedings begin pleasantly with a selection of acoustic songwriter types. It's strummy, it's croony, it's my-woman-done-left-me, and it's rather refreshingly unaffected. Some fine vocal performances, but the pick of the bunch is Gerry Hughes who delivers three tunes, including a fantastically slurred, assured reading of Tom Waits' "Ice Cream Man".

Posters outside the venue boast "extended support from Onzicube". When they wander offstage after about 20 minutes you wonder what they normally perform. Haikus? What we get, however briefly, is a nice loose bundle of acoustic bluesy oddments, with some strange almost post-rock angularities. I'd describe it as Bert Jansch meets Tortoise, if I thought you'd believe me for a second.

Ultimately they are let down by some sloppy rhythmic playing: the percussionist drifts into clumsy flutters, sounding like a squid in a washing machine full of tambourines, and the guitarist is exceptionaly wayward. A little judicious rehearsal could pay dividends.

A little judicious fashion advice could help Eskimo: the singer has one of those risible Craig David skintight hats, that look like the verucca socks kids had for school swimming lessons. However, considering they play the sort of anodyne MOR dreck you might get piped into your bedroom if Alan Partridge were Big Brother, headgear is the least of their worries.

The problem is that Eskimo are "entertainers", mixing their own featherlight numbers with "a few you might recognise". As such they are less a band, more the result of market research. The pianist has a ridiculous mobile disco voice, announcing "a little song by Mr. Lenny Kravitz". I keep expecting him to joke about the bride's father , until I remember where I am.

To give Eskimo their due, they play well, and the vocals are immaculate. I suppose that if you like Toploader, you'll love it - the crowd does. Just leave me out of it.

Did I mention the hat?