The Giddy Goatee

This is a review of a promoter whose gigs I've really enjoyed on many occasions, but the night in question was a bit dank. All those good gigs I saw with pen safely in pocket, & then I go and review this one. So, you can probably taste the conflict betwen wanting to be nice about the organisors, and wanting to be nasty about the acts.

I've kept the "house style"micro-paragraphs this time, just so you can see how the BBC editor used to post the reviews. No matter how glib and pithy I tried to be, I was apparently always too long winded and obtuse, so he hacked the copy into tiny bites of prose. Semi-colons got chopped regularly. Probably fair, I'm a bastard for convoluted, multi-clause sentences, but on the other hand, I think it's best to imagine your readers have got beyond The Magic Faraway Tree in terms of reading comprehension. Actually, this review, like a lot of my BBC efforts, is pretty poor: was this because it was early in my (ha!) career, or because I was trying, and failing, to write like somebody from Look In to keep the powers that be happy?

THE BROTHERS OF INVENTION/EMILY ROLT/LAGRIMA/FATALLY YOURS, Beard Musuem, The Purple Turtle, 11/04

Maybe it's the name, but I always imagined Fatally Yours were a goth band. Perhaps they are normally, but in semi-acoustic formation they sound like an American chart indie band circa 1999, with hints of 70s AM pop. Which is better than it sounds, actually.

There's a pleasant warmth to their two guitar sound and they have a decent clutch of songs - though, whatever your politics, the Iraq song is a royal duffer. Despite the fact that he looks nothing like him, something in the singer's mannerisms (and eyebrows) reminds me of Morrissey. Not that he sounds like Morrissey...he sounds like an American chart indie singer circa 1999. Which is again better than I'm implying.

It's a good little set, and if that sounds patronising, remember that Beard Museum is, by definition, a little gig. Most enjoyable.

Acoustic duo Lagrima has a bunch of songs that sound like 50s jazz stanbards you can't quite place. Whilst this means they don't pack too many surprises, it does mean they come across as elegant and immediate.

The guitarist is incredibly fluent, and the singer, despite her obvious nerves, has a delicious, smoky voice, that really cuts into the heart of the compositions. Their first song features the repeated refrain "Easy", and that's my minor gripe with them: I'd love to see them stray from the path and develop their sound. It's as if they know that anything they do is effortlessly lovely, so play it safe.

Still, if "effortlessly lovely" is my harshest criticism, I think we're onto a winner here...

Emily Rolt is an incredible singer...and by "incredible" I mean "extremely able" rather than "any good". Like many RnB types, warbling Emily seems to have confused vocal dexterity with the ability to interpret a lyric. The again, when a song basically consists of the words "beautiful, beautiful love" repeated for about a week, maybe there's nowhere to go.

I've never liked it much, but Coldplay's "Yellow" does not automatically become more emotionally charged if you play it really slowly and never come close to singing the melody. Emily's constantly singing

.............................and up here

down here


...................................................and over there


for no clear reason. Except that she can, I suppose.

In all fairness, millions of people will love her, and she won't disappoint them, but I need something more.

Emily is great at what she does. Then again, so was jack The Ripper.

ddly, when The Brothers Of Invention took the stage I whispered to my friend, "They look like Maroon 5". "More like Toploader," he replied.

Well, blow me if they don't sound like a cross betwen the two. Their bouncy jazz-pop is fine, but Curiosity has already killed the cat, don't let it kill me too.

At least, this was my first reaction, but by the end of the set they'd just about salvaged it, with some entertaining lite funk tunes, and some neat keyboard playing, so let's average it out to polite ambivalence.

Another varied and interesting line-up from The Beard Museum - far more than just an acoustic night.